WHEN CATS GRIEVE
Copyright 2004, Sarah Hartwell

One of the most frequent questions I am asked is whether cats grieve or mourn the passing of a feline or human companion. When a cat dies, owners often notice behavioral changes in their remaining cats. Some of these are due to adapting to a changed hierarchy, but other behavioral changes are due to a sense of loss. Many cats grieve the loss of a close human companion and others show signs of loss when a canine companion ides or goes missing.

It is impossible to say exactly what emotions cats feel, but when a close companion goes missing they are certainly be aware of the absence. It is unlikely that they mourn in the human sense of the word, but there will be some behavioral changes as they adjust to the gap in their lives.

WHAT IS GRIEF?

Grief is the result of abrupt or unexpected severing of attachment. Cats are aware that a familiar person or companion cat is absent and may search for that person or cat. The death or absence may change an established hierarchy as well as being the absence of a familiar companion. While this is not the ritualized grief of humans, the sudden absence of something familiar is distressing to many cats. Mother cats whose kittens were taken away and destroyed often looked for their kittens for many days, all the while pacing and crying out. As well as the physical pain of engorged mammary glands, the cats displayed mental pain.

Grief has been observed in many wild species following the death of a mate, parent, offspring or pack-mate. For example, elephants have been seen to caress the body of a deceased companion and even to caress elephant skulls. Feline grief at the death of a long-term human or feline companion can include severe mental disturbance. Grief varies according to the individuals and some cats show little grief (some are reported to exhibit glee at the death of a sparring partner) while others can be deeply traumatized. In the past, this variability caused some scientists to dismiss the concept of animal grief as anthropomorphism on the owner's part. Such scientists forget, or ignore, that fact that humans are equally variable in how they express grief.

Grief is a reaction to the sudden absence of something or someone who caused happiness, satisfaction, comfort or reassurance. The absence of a familiar part of the environment causes sadness. The continued absence of that person or thing can lead to stress. In the context of a bereavement, this stress is termed grief. The major difference between human and feline grief is that cats grieve for familiar and close companions while humans show grief for a distant relative or for a public figure. Cats lack the abstraction (and the memory capacity) that allows humans to grieve for someone we have never met or who has been absent from our life for a prolonged period of time. Humans often have elaborate or ritualized ways of dealing with their grief. Cats may become withdrawn or, at the other extreme, over-attached and "clingy".

I have personal experience of a pair of cats whose owner had died. The cats refused to eat while in the shelter. To reduce stress, they were fostered in a household and the vet prescribed appetite stimulants. One cat recovered but remained withdrawn for a long period of time. The other continued to pine and became critically ill until it had to be euthanized (prolonged fasting results in liver damage). Its behavior was so severely affected that the foster carer considered force-feeding unsuitable; the cat had no interest in life. Post mortem showed no sign of disease except for that caused by failure to eat. There is one instance where a streetwise cat was believed to have committed suicide by deliberately walking in front of a truck a few days after the owner had died; however the cat's motives cannot be verified.

Humans have long been believed to be the only creatures that cry in sorrow or grief. There is some evidence that other animals form tears when in physical or emotional distress. Cats may express grief through nightmares (quite possibly a dream of the missing person has been replaced by wakefulness and the abrupt realization that the person has gone). One of my rescue cats, Sappho, had repeated nightmares after the traumatic death of the owner in the cat's presence. Sappho woke up whimpering and fearful from sleep and required physical reassurance from me. If this happened at night, she actually climbed into bed and hid as far down the bed as possible, crying out (initially at a rate of one vocalization per second) until her fear and grief subsided. As well as being clingy, she often woke me from sleep as though afraid that I had also died. This behavior continued for several months, presumably until the traumatic memories faded.

CAUSES OF GRIEF

Humans understand grief as being the sense of loss following a death. It is a form of anxiety felt at the abrupt severing of a relationship or the sudden absence of a familiar person or animal companion. Cats react to the sudden absence and, therefore, may show anxiety or grief in situations where death is not a factor. Grieving may be related to the death or sudden absence of a human companion, caregiver or animal companion

The sudden absence may be due to a person leaving home e.g. a youngster going to boarding school or university or leaving home entirely; an ill or elderly family member goes into hospital or a nursing home; divorce; another pet goes missing or is re-homed or because the cat itself has been re-homed. All of these leave holes in a cat's life and, depending on how attached the cat was to the missing person, can cause the reaction we call grief. Unlike humans, cats do not understand the concept of temporary separation due to school terms/semesters and any long separation is, in the cat's mind, permanent (when the youngster returns home these become welcome visits rather than a return to normal).

COMPREHENSION OF DEATH (BEREAVEMENT)

The display of grief in cats is due to the absence of someone familiar. In humans it is, in part, due to the realization that we will never see that person alive again i.e. to our understanding of the permanence of death.

Some researchers believe a cat's concept of death is similar to a young child's concept of death i.e. they lack the concept of death being a permanent state. Cats appear to comprehend a state of someone not being alive - body temperature changes, smell changes etc. From my own observations, whether they make the link between a corpse and someone previously alive is not certain, but many cats stop looking for an absent companion after being shown the body of a deceased companion. Therefore cats probably have some comprehension that something dead cannot become alive again. This may be linked to the fact they are predators.

Some owners ask whether it is best to let the cat see the body of the deceased companion. This is not always possible, for example when a human companion dies in hospital (bodies are rarely laid out in the home these days), when the cat dies at the vet surgery and is sent for cremation/burial from there or when there is no body (the absent cat has gone missing or been relinquished to a shelter or new home). It has been known for cats to wait at the window, or sit on a gate-post, waiting for the absent party to return.

If the deceased has died at home or you are bringing the body home and there is no danger of infection then it is a personal choice whether to let the cat see the deceased. Some owners say that the surviving cats do not search for a companion, having seen the body. Others say that any medical smells on the body disturbed their other cats. They may sniff around the body, lick it and maybe try to wake their companion before concluding that their friend has gone. If there is no danger of infection and you believe that it will help your other cats come to terms with the loss of a companion, then by all means allow them to see and smell the body. My surviving cats have often sat in the garden to oversee the grave-digging and burial of a companion. One of my cats regularly sat on the grave of her companion cat for years after his death.

BEHAVIORAL CHANGES

When the family structure is disrupted by the death of a person or another pet, life changes for the surviving pets. In cats, whose sense of smell is better than ours, this includes the absence of particular scents. As highly territorial animals, the status quo of who owns which resting place or right of way has also changed; if there are several cats in the household some of the unease (and occasional conflict) will be due to dividing up these territorial rights among survivors - not dissimilar to inheritance issues in humans.

If the cats were sociable, the surviving cats may search, cry out (howl or frequently meow) or even pine. Other changes include sleep pattern changes, loss of interest in favorite activities, withdrawal ("sulking") or conversely separation anxiety, depression and eating pattern changes. Because stress hormones are secreted, there may be physical effects include stomach upsets, hair-loss (often through over-grooming since grooming is a comforting activity) and inappropriate toileting.

They will need individual attention and reassurance. If they were unsociable or indifferent to each other, the survivors might simply rearrange themselves into a new hierarchy, dividing up their former companion's territory between them. Sometimes the surviving cat(s) blossom if they were previously bottom of the pecking order. Cats are not hierarchical in the same way as dogs, but there are still boss-cats and under-cats.

Some owners notice their surviving cats taking on behavior patterns of the missing cat. There is nothing supernatural about this - certain privileges and places once accorded to the missing cat are now up for grabs. This means the prime spot on the bed or being allowed to eat in a certain place. In all likelihood, the deceased cat defended these rights during its lifetime (maybe simply by staring down its companions) and the survivors see these behaviors as being part of the hierarchy.

HELPING THE HEALING PROCESS

The first stage of grief is activation. During activation, the bereaved cat may spend hours or days looking for the missing companion. If the missing companion is a human family member, the cat may approach the door whenever someone enters the house. Outdoor cats may search their territory or sit on the doorstep waiting for the absent companion. If your indoor/outdoor cat starts searching, you may wish to restrict its movements for several days as normally home-oriented cats (and dogs) have been killed on the roads as a result. This stage is followed by depression. Over a few weeks (occasionally longer), periods of depression grow shorter and less frequent and normal behavior returns. Normal behavior may include some permanent behavioral changes related to changes in territorial rights or social standing.

On average, the healing process takes between two weeks and six months. During this time, a grieving cat will need reassurance and attention. This doesn't mean forcing attention on a withdrawn cat, but it does mean little things such as offering food treats, catnip or new toys to draw a withdrawn cat out of its shell or to reduce a suddenly clingy cat's over-attachment. If the cat is severely affected or shows no signs of overcoming its grief, a vet may prescribe anti-anxiety medication. You may also want to consider complementary remedies, but if you do, make sure they are ones approved for cats since many human preparations are toxic to cats. There are a number of suitable homeopathic remedies and suitable Bach remedies.

If the cat is now on its own, some owners ask if they should get it a new companion to prevent loneliness. While this may work for the more sociable and extrovert breeds, it doesn't work for all. The new cat will be seen as a stranger and a territorial invader. For this reason, if you anticipate the death of a pet due to age or non-contagious/non-infectious illness, it is usually better to introduce a new companion before the ailing pet dies to allow the newcomer to form a relationship with the existing cats.

Allow the surviving animals to work out their new social order themselves. As a human, you will miss subtle scent and body-language cues that they use. Also try not to unintentionally reinforce any behavior changes unless you are willing to accommodate permanent changes. Although food treats and extra attention will help a depressed or withdrawn cat in the short term, try not to let the cat become more finicky or more over-attached (this can lead to separation anxiety when you leave the house for any reason). Cats are creatures of routine so try not to change routine too much as this will cause additional stress. If the absent companion was a dog (that needed walks) or a person, a change in routine will be unavoidable. If possible, try to establish and stick to a new routine, not too dissimilar to the old one, as soon as possible. This will allow a grieving cat to deal with one stress factor at a time.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

Though it may seem an odd question, how are you responding to the loss? Cats are sensitive to changes in human emotions, behavior and routine. If you are upset, your cat will respond to this and may become anxious, depressed, agitated or physically unwell. If you are finding it difficult to come to terms with the bereavement, whether human or animal, you may find it helpful to talk to a bereavement counselor. There are a number of online communities as well e.g. alt.support.grief.pet-loss .

When there has been a human death in the family, there will probably be upheavals and pets' needs are low on the list of priorities. Try to make time for your pet, preferably a regular time each day. If there are numerous arrangements to be made following a death, consider boarding your cat for a week or so to allow you to concentrate on such matters. Explain the situation to the staff - good places will notice signs of stress in a cat and it helps them if they know the underlying cause.

ADOPTING A GRIEVING CAT

Sometimes a change in routine is unavoidable when a human companion dies and the cat has to be re-homed. Shelters and adopters of such cats must be prepared for the behavioral changes detailed previously - these will often be more severe than if the cat was able to grieve in familiar surroundings. In addition to bereavement, the cat is facing the additional stress of a change of home, a change of human companions and unfamiliar surroundings and scents. Don't expect such a cat to be playful and companionable immediately you adopt it. Be tolerant of toileting accidents and if it want to spend time alone, allow it to do so, but keep a watchful eye on its eating habits and physical appearance (e.g. self-neglect, weight loss).

Once it has accepted you as the new caregiver, it may become clingy - having lost one human in its life, it may not want to let you out of its sight. If you are away from home during part of the day, you could leave a recently worn tee-shirt in the cat's bed as a comforter. Alternatively, it may remain aloof to begin with as though afraid to build up a new relationship so soon. Don't press attention on an unwilling cat, but spend time in the same room and talk to it (stroking it if possible) so that it knows you are a permanent fixture in its life. Encourage it to interact with you. The settling-in process may take longer and be slower, so be patient.

WHAT IF MY CAT DOESN'T GRIEVE?

In humans, it is sometimes considered unhealthy to not grieve. Many people believe that feelings are bottled up or unresolved and will cause problems later on when some other event triggers delayed mourning. This is highly individual and not all of us feel grief in the same way. The same goes for cats. Some owners complain that their cats show "inappropriate" gleeful behavior as though celebrating the death of another household pet. Remember that cat emotions are not identical to human emotions. Unknown to the owner, the deceased pet may have bullied the surviving cat(s) or they may simply have tolerated each other's presence without any sense of companionship. In such cases, the survivor(s) may be relieved at the removal of a stress factor or may be indifferent to presence or absence of the other animal.

FOOT NOTE

Some of the content of this article were previously published in "Time to Let Go" (pet loss/euthanasia), "Towards The End" (aging cats) and "Do Cats Have Emotions?" all of which are published on the Messybeast website. This article on feline grief has been compiled due to popular request.

Crafty Halloween

Went to get my mail one day this month and on the cover of the Woman's Day magazine shoved in my mailbox was the cutest idea for a Halloween wreath! With a little hot glue, a foam wreath, some black duct tape and candy corn, you too can make it! Here are some pictures of my experience.

1. You’ll need a Styrofoam wreath (ours is 16 in.), black duct tape, a hot-glue gun, a wide ribbon and candy corn (we used Brach’s).

2. Cover the wreath in tape.

3. To get a sense of how the corns will fit, lay them around the wreath in single rows, with one row pointing left and the next pointing right, but don’t glue down. (It won’t take long and your final product will be more polished.) Remove the corn from the wreath and hot-glue the pieces in the pattern one at a time, starting from the outer edge of the wreath inward, until you’ve covered the entire top and side.

4. Repeat the process in the center, starting at the same point as you did for the top so that you can cover any corn-free space with the ribbon when you’re finished.

5. Wrap ribbon through the wreath at the candy corn seam, tie into a bow and hang on a sturdy nail.

The Challenges of Being a Step Parent

It’s not easy being a step parent. You have no power, little authority and a lot of grudges. Some of them are even yours. At first you simply try to get to know the kids, learn their likes and dislikes. You are always in the shadow of the ex-parent and are more than likely being monitored by same.

So how do you handle all the stresses? Your kids melding with the step kids, ex-parent’s jealousy or plain and simple dislike or disapproval, new rules vs old rules, new routines vs old routines and the ever popular- finding patience with the step kids. First of all not all steps have problems with the ex-wife or ex-husband. If you do, you simply need to remind yourself that most of their issues are based on insecurity and a feeling of lack of control while the kids are with you. That will reduce in time, unfortunately it may take years but it should resolve itself IF you can remain patient and NOT engage in a dueling of wits when temptation presents itself.

Secondly, remember it’s easy to judge other peoples kids by your own standards when you are standing at a distance. When you are tempted to say, “If that were MY kid . . .” STOP yourself and think hard about what you are about to stay or think. I cannot stress more the importance of asking yourself HONESTLY ‘If that were REALLY my kid . . .’ Take the emotion and frustration out of the picture and you just might discover that the action your spouse is taking is the same action you would take. Step parents sometimes lack the rose colored glasses of real parents. Yes, they may actually see the situation for what it really is and when that happens you MUST be careful not to judge. Don’t judge your spouse for how they handle the situation, don’t judge the child without considering the cause of his/hers behavior. Remember you are not the biological parent and therefore your best position is one of offering advice when consulted. When that advice is offered it should be with compassion and understanding. You should also not expect your advice to be taken every time. The bio-parent needs to be the one calling the shots, it’s their child. Just remember this mantra ‘It’s not my kid, it’s not my kid.’ Keep in mind that you need to show a united front to the kids. Don’t ever let them see the two of you divided on any issue, believe me they will use that as a weapon.

Attempting to understand a child’s actions is just as important as responding to them. Sometimes it’s difficult for a child to accept a new parent, no matter what their age. Realize that it can take up to a full year for a child to recover from their parents 2nd marriage. All our of 6 kids had problems in school that first year and just as they began to come back around to their normal selves, their mother got remarried and it started all over again.

Just keep in mind you are not alone, there are a lot of blended families going through the same thing. There are also counselors out their that can help if you discover you have a child with separation anxiety or other issues. They really can help and you’d be surprised how well your kids/step kids will respond.

So the key to living through step-parenting is patience, honestly, being of one mind with your spouse and realizing the kids will someday grow up and move out on their own.

Courtesy Kimbra Townsend, Factoidz Writer

Light the Night

I'm raising money for a very important cause, through The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light The Night Walk: finding better treatments and cures for blood cancers so patients can live better, longer lives. I'm asking you to help by making a tax-deductible contribution! Please use this link: http://pages.lightthenight.org/dm/Phoenix10/KBoyd to donate online quickly & securely. You will receive an email confirmation of your donation as soon as it is made. I thank you in advance for your support which will make a difference in the lives of thousands of patients battling blood cancers.

I really appreciate your generosity!!

New look

So there we go, I spent most of the night changing the look and feel of this page. Hope more people will look to even notice the change! :) I am no longer working for the Cancer Center. I got an opportunity that I was interested in checking out and took that leap. It was such a hard decision. I loved my last job, I miss the patients sooo much, but I needed to better myself and this might be the next step up in the right direction.
I'm sure Dave and I will still be doing the walk for the Light the Night campaign as it is an event that is very near to our hearts... SOOOO be prepared to be bombarded with donation requests! LOL
Well now that it is officially Saturday morning and I have yet to go to bed, I will end this blog short for now.

Good night

**hugs**

A great song

One of my ALL time favorites!

Surprise

On May 16th, my baby sister turned 21. Can you believe it? She is now the age I was when I found my dad and met my sister for the first time.
I sent my dad a text after months of my sister begging me to be there for her birthday. Just something simple that said she had been bugging me and I would like to surprise her. Dad called me the next day with information on tickets for a flight out the PA. Thankfully, him and my step-mom, Donna, were offering to pay otherwise, I would have never been able to do it as I am very very poor at the moment.
I got the time off of work approved, and totally lied to my sister. Told her that there was no way I could get the time off even if I did come up with the money. On May 14 I began my trip...

It was the best surprise EVER!!! I love my sister and I am so glad I was able to be there for her birthday!!!

Prayer

We pray for the children who put chocolate fingers on everything, who love to be tickled, who stomp in puddles and ruin new pants, who eat candy before supper and who can never find their shoes in the morning.

And we also pray for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire, who have never bound down the street in a new pair of shoes, who never played "one potato, two potatoes," and who are born in places that we would not be caught dead in and they will be.

We pray for the children who give us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions, who sleeps with their dog and who bury their goldfish, who hug us so tightly and who forget their lunch money, who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink, who watch their fathers shave, and who slurp their soup.

And we pray for those who will never get dessert, who have no favorite blanket to drag around behind them, who watch their fathers suffer, who cannot find any bread to steal, who do not have any rooms to clean up, whose pictures are on milk cartons instead of on dressers, and whose monsters are real.

We pray for the children who spend all their allowance by Tuesday, who pick at their food, who love ghost stories, who shove their dirty clothes under the bed and never rinse the bathtub, who love visits from the Tooth Fairy, even after they find out who it really is, who do not like to be kissed in front of the school bus, and who squirm during services.

And we also pray for those children whose nightmares occur in the daytime, who will eat anything, who have never seen a dentist, who are not spoiled by anyone, who go to bed hungry and wake up hungry, who live and move and have no address.

We pray for those children who like to be carried and for those children who have to be carried. for those who give up and for those who never give up, for those who will grab the hand of anyone kind enough to offer it and for those who find no hand to grab.

For all these children, we pray today, for they are all so precious!

I should finish

I am notorious for starting projects and never getting them finished. My last project, I came soooo close...It's still sitting in my closet still not finished.

Now, I think I have lost interest in this painting and think I should start a new one. Hmmmm

10 Signs You've Officially Become a Facebook Stalker

Facebook stalking is a delicate art. Anyone who's stared a little too long and a little too closely at a friend's profile has thought to themselves, "Is this weird?" Even if you've got no moral dilemma with reading every intricate detail of someone's online life -- and lots of time on your hands to do it -- there's the issue of not letting on to the person in question just how obsessed you are.

10. You know more about what someone did last night than they do.
Checking out a friend's party photos is an entirely legitimate, non-stalkerly Facebook activity. Checking out those photos the second they're posted, watching the person in question get progressively drunker, and then glaring at the girl in the low-cut shirt falling all over your stalker-ee: that's questionable.

9. You notice when someone's profile pic changes, and you're not even their friend.
Stalking someone you can't friend for social reasons -- your boyfriend's ex, whom you've never met, for example -- can prove challenging even for the most intrepid Facebook user. If that person keeps their profile private, sometimes you have to content yourself and your unhealthy obsession with staring at the tiny profile pic that comes up when you search for their name. Desperate? Yes, but stalkers can't be choosers.

8. You want to know who that girl was who left that flirty wall post.
She says she wants to catch up with him over coffee sometime. What does that mean? What does that MEAN?

7. You look at someone's photos so often you know their wardrobe better than they do.
It's always a little creepy when a boy you like walks into a friendly gathering wearing some particular sweater or shirt, and you find yourself saying casually, "Oh, I love that one. You've been wearing it a lot lately." Then you stop yourself, because you realize you haven't actually seen this particular stalker-ee in weeks. You've just been busy staring at his chest online.

6. You read wall-to-wall threads you weren't even a part of.
The "wall-to-wall" button was basically created for jealous Facebook stalkers. Click it and stare voyeuristically at a conversation you were entirely absent from. Pick it apart piece by piece. Learn to hate people you don't even know.

5. You've seriously weighed the pros and cons of poking someone.
Occasionally the art of Facebook stalking involves knowing when to play it coy. If you leave a message on someone's wall every hour or every day, they're likely to realize just how obsessed you are. Likewise, if you poke them often, they'll know you're trying to flirt -- and sometimes not trying is exactly what you need to get their attention, right? That and posting seemingly effortlessly sexy photos you actually spent hours orchestrating.

4. You have to pretend you don't already know exactly how someone has been doing.
I recently got a Facebook message from a male friend that admitted, oh so sheepily, that he would ask how I'd been if he hadn't already been following my status updates way too closely. He knew I'd recently had surgery. He knew what I did for the holidays. He even spotted a photo of my tiny Christmas tree, and had begun coveting it. Lucky for him, he happened to be an ex-stalker-ee of mine, not only making him not creepy, but actually kind of adorable.

3. You've gone so far as to stalk someone by proxy.
Want to scrutinize someone you can't friend, but who happens to be friends with one of your friends? Get them to sympathize with your plight (or just pretend you want to hang out with them), then sign onto their Facebook account and stalk away.

2. You've considered making a fake profile just to "accidentally" friend someone.
The really, really desperate solution to accessing the info of someone you can't friend and your real-life buddies don't even know: set up a fake profile, message them pretending to be someone nondescript they met once ("You remember me, right? That was such a crazy night!"), and hope they accept your request long enough to stalk the heck out of them before they discretely erase you from their friends list.

1. You check his relationship status as frequently as you check your email.
Crushes. Sigh. Maybe today will be the day you scan his Facebook profile only to discover he's finally broken up with that girlfriend you've been making evil eyes at for years. Fingers crossed.

Reposted from Heartless Doll By Bonnie Ruberg

My predictions

Based on what I've seen so far...

American Idol Top 12

Girls:
Crystal Bowersox
Lilly Scott
Katelyn Epperly
Michelle Delamor
Katie Stevens
Siobhan Magnus


Boys:
Casey James
Andrew Garcia
Tyler Grady
Michael Lynche
John Park
Todrick Hall

Dress in Blue

When is Dress in Blue Day?
It is celebrated on the first Friday of March.
In 2010, Dress in Blue Day will be held on Friday, March 5th.

What is the purpose of Dress in Blue Day?
The purpose of Dress in Blue Day is to promote awareness about colorectal cancer and encourage people to get screened.

How can I/my organization participate in Dress in Blue Day?
Individuals, businesses and community groups are all encouraged to participate in Dress in Blue Day, by encouraging friends, family, co-workers and other members of their organization to wear blue. By getting people to talk about colon cancer, and learning about ways to prevent this # 2 cause of cancer death in the U.S., you could save a life. In addition, you can raise money to support programs like our Helpline, Buddy program and other initiatives by using our Fundraising Form.

What is the history behind Dress in Blue Day?
Dress in Blue Day was started in March of 2006 by a Colon Cancer Alliance volunteer and survivor, Anita Mitchell. In an effort to raise awareness about the importance of screening, Anita worked with her children's local k-8 Catholic school and parents to coordinate a recognition day. On that day, students, who normally wore a uniform to school, were allowed to wear blue if they donated a dollar to colon cancer research. To promote the event, Anita sent a notice to each of the 500 families at the school, letting them know about the special day and included some simple screening guidelines for the parents. When the children came to school on Dress in Blue Day they were each given a blue ribbon, signifying their participation.

In 2007, Anita dedicated Dress in Blue Day to her friend, Carmen, who had passed away from colon cancer and to all others who had lost their fight against colorectal cancer. In addition, Anita received a proclamation from the Mayor declaring it Dress in Blue Day for the city of Seattle.

In 2009, as Co-Founder of Colon S.T.A.R.S. of Seattle, Anita worked with the Colon Cancer Alliance to build national recognition for this event.

And the tax return goes to....

After 2 loong months of trying to wait for my tax return, I was FINALLY able to get my car fixed! Back in late October or early November (it's been so long, I can't even remember) I was driving home from the second job and my car started overheating again. I knew it had leaks but I guess this time I had pushed it too far and my poor little Bug couldn't take anymore. I pulled over and sent an email for Dave to come get me thankful that he hadn't left for work himself yet. Later that night, Dave and I drove back to my car and tried to put coolant in it, just enough to get it home. Through the steam and check engine light, I gently drove it home and there it sat for this whole time. Then the headache of finding transportation to and from work. We still had the rental car from Dave's accident, so that helped for a couple of weeks. I could have carpooled with some of my co-workers, but most of them live on the East side and we live on the West...Sigh... Anyway, after some helpful suggestions from my mom (she's so smart) I had transportation, it wasn't the Bug, but it worked for the time being. This past Saturday, mom let be use her AAA card and I got a tow to the mechanic. Thanks to H&R Block I was able to do my taxes and get my return quickly. After getting the following list of things replaced, I have my car back :)

Replace rear break pads
Replace coolant outlet housing
Replace thermostat and gasket
Replace battery
Replace water pump
Replace serpentine belt
Replace timing belt

The process was not a cheap fix and I have totally learned my lesson NOT to try to push a fix when I know it really needs to be done. My goal this year is to get that car in tip top shape. I really worked hard to get it, I'm still paying it off, it needs to last a while longer...

I am off to the bridal shop (NO I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED...YET). My friend, Monica, is and she asked me to come with the whole crew when she tries on the gowns. I'm bringing my camera, but as I told Monica, the pictures are only for her and whoever she wants the opinion of. From personal experience, she's gonna change her mind a couple of times.

Toodles and thanks for reading!

Sign the Petition to Stop Cancer Care Cuts!

The government has cut Medicare payments for cancer care in 2010 and will continue to make cuts through 2013. Medicare pays for about 50% of cancer care — it influences how private insurance companies pay for cancer care. So, these Medicare cuts impact all cancer care.

Medicare has already severely cut payments for cancer care — over 25% since 2004. Now, the government is making more payment cuts. For example, Medicare has cut payments for the administration of life-saving cancer drugs by 5% this year and will continue to make cuts each year through 2013, when cancer drug administration payments will be cut by close to 20%. Payment cuts are also being made to imaging tests — such as PET and CT scans — that help find and manage cancer. And on top of this, there will be a 21% payment cut for all physicians’ services as of March 2010 if Congress does not act to stop it.

The payment cuts already made are impacting doctors’ ability to treat patients. Cancer clinics cannot continue to operate when their costs are greater than revenues. Absorbing more payment cuts is not sustainable. Some clinics have closed; others have had to reduce staff and send patients elsewhere for treatment. This is not meant to scare anyone; just inform everyone about a very serious situation.

The United States has the world’s best cancer care as judged by increased survival and quality of life for people with cancer. But cancer care is in crisis and health care reform needs to fix it. This is not about politics. This is about Americans who have and will get cancer.

Please sign the petition that will be sent to President Obama and the Congress to Stop Cancer Care Cuts!

Anyone concerned about the future of cancer care in this country should sign this petition. That includes members of the cancer care delivery team, cancer patients, caregivers, survivors, and any American concerned about cancer care. The government must stop cuts to cancer clinics for the payment of cancer care.

Thank you!

I love my sister...

Got this as a message on my phone this morning from a very special friend. Thought I would share:

Yesterday, I was talking to this one girl, and she asked me why I was friends with you. I looked at her and laughed and said friends with her? Haha. No way. That's my SISTER! She said how is she your sister? I said, because honey she's been thru thick and thin. Heaven and Hell. All my break-ups and breakdowns. My special life time moments. When I couldn't stand up, she gave me her strength. Because she was true to me, when I needed a friend, she was so much more than that, and you nor anyone else could be that. I'd never change anything about that girl! I love her to death, I always will. Nothin can change it!

Thank you Terri, for being MY friend! We have both been through a lot since we met back in 1992, wow 17 years! I will be there til the end and I've ALWAYS got your back! I <3 you girl! **hugs**

My baby is sick.

Since Sunday Amadeus, my male kitty, has has very bad diarrhea and I think he vomited on Monday night too. He seems to be getting better. No vomit but his stools are still very wet. I have an appointment to take him to the vet on Saturday. I really hope it's nothing serious. My little "bubba" is very important to me and I would hate to find out he's really sick!
He's drinking and eating just fine, he's still playful, he's cuddly and like his normal self, so I'm not totally worried, but I still hate when I don't know what's going on.
As for Jasmine... She had me worried too last night, but now I know she's just a FAKER!!! :) She hopped on the couch and just laid there, wouldn't eat, wouldn't play, nothing. I would pick her up and she would just mope...UNTIL, I let her come in the bedroom with me. TOTAL change, she was as happy as a clam! My "puddin pop" was back to normal. We have been keeping the cats out of the bedroom 1 because they were waking Dave up at night and 2 Amadeus was pooping all over the place!! She just wanted to be allowed in the bedroom.
I will keep you posted on what happens at the Vets office. I have been doing a lot of research on which office I feel would give my babies the best attention and lucky for me the one I picked is right down the street from us.
G'Night y'all
**hugs**

I'm getting crafty again..

It's been a while... I love discovering new things that I am able to do artistically on the computer. For the past month, I have been collecting photos. A BUNCH of them and lucky for me, my brother and sister-in-law graciously answered my request for as many pictures of my nephews as possible.
I really can't say what this project will be as it is a surprise, but I assure you, as soon as I get it finished and the final copy to the few I am making this for, I will post a copy for you all to see.
I need to get back into playing with photos on the computer, I can spend hours doing so. It's my escape from reality, my release. To see the faces of the people I do the projects for is priceless! I love to see the amazement, the look of "I can't believe you made this".
As for my reality, right now, there is just WAY too much of it! I am emotionally numb from all the recent drama. I have had to evaluate certain things and try to think like some really stupid people to figure out why they do things. It hurts to dumb myself to such an extreme and I'm done with it. If they wish to continue to live their lives in such a manner, who am I to try and figure it out? It's not really hurting me, just those I care about deeply. That's the kicker, I HATE seeing those I care about getting hurt! I CAN NOT stand it and it really pisses me off!
SOOOO...I'm off to finish watching American Idol and then, hopefully, a much needed night of sleep.
G'night y'all!

I thought this was supposed to be...

What happened to 2010 being a better year? It's the beginning of a new decade it should be a fresh start, a positive look on the next 10 years. I got my review today. Apparently, I'm loud and I wear my emotions on my sleeve. DUH!!! I have a heart and I care about my job. Excuse me for taking it personally and feeling hurt or upset when others accuse me of otherwise.
So, now what? I become a cold hearted robot that makes appointments, collects balances and answers the phones? I have a relationship with the patients, I care about them. I cry with them when they are in pain and cheer with them when they are told they are getting better. I have been to offices where the front desk won't even raise their head to look at you when you check in. I will not EVER be that type of person!
I am a very expressive person. That is just me, you can pretty much tell what I'm thinking by the look on my face. I can't change that.
I don't know what I will do, I guess I will try harder. I have to do some thinking on this one and try not to be offended.

Just a lazy kinda day

Have you ever had just one of those days where you don't really want to do anything? I have so much around the house I could be doing. Still haven't taken down the tree, have a pile up to my waist in laundry to do, litter box needs to be scooped, and I could clean out my closet, but I'm just not in the mood to do any of it.
So far, besides having to get used to putting 10 as a date which I have been doing for a couple of months now scheduling appointments at work, this new year isn't any different than the last. I know we are only 2 days into it and I shouldn't be expecting some major change in 2 days. The blue moon was a cool thing and last night the clouds were around it in such a manner that it looked very much like a Bob Ross Painting.

I did win some money at the casino playing the slot machines on New Years Eve. My 2 year review for work will be next week. I guess I should just give it time and things will change (hopefully for the MUCH better).

New Years 2010

Wow! We made it! 2009 was a hard year! I lost so many wonderful people in my life! Cynthia, Josephine, Debra, Gail, and Ron, I will miss you soo much! You made my days at work such a joy and it won't be the same without you! Dave and I have made it another year, not saying it was easy at times, but I love you more every day and we are together stronger than anyone! With every tough time there are so many more good times and the good times are only getting better.
I have learned a lot of lessons this year about trust. I have to be more careful with whom I give that to. Some folks out there are only in it for themselves and making others miserable. They want the world to feel as bad as they do and so they will take advantage and be down right mean in order to make that happen. My motto this past year and throughout this year has been "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me! Its a real shame that there are people out there like this, but then again, I should have NEVER trusted them!
I would like to wish all of you the best 2010 has to offer. May you be healthy, wealthy and wise!
**hugs**